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Gardenorksgb

Posted 02/10/2007 16:16:19

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Last Login: 06/10/2007 13:54:52
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A question that I get asked a lot is when the best time to dig a pond is. Here is a light hearted look at when is the right time!!

WINTER
In the winter the ground is rock hard from freezing and the going is back breaking. How many of you have got half or three quarters of the hole dug and thought sod it, I will go up a couple of courses of brick's or block's and then wished you hadn’t? The blocks/ bricks need protection from the frost otherwise they will blow and you forget to do this and have to start all over again or the water in the mixer freezes as its spinning. At this point a lot of you are sitting there thinking “that happened to me” or “he’s right you know”. Of course I’m right I’ve been there.

You have so many layers of clothing on to keep you warm the Michelin man looks a super model in comparison and your tea is cold before you have taken a sip of it. Its sods law that you pull on your boots and as soon as you step over the threshold into the garden the phone rings and you’ve left it on the dining room table. You will find that all your mates are suddenly busy after promising you that they would help you when the time came and you sit there asking yourself why you ever bothered starting.

By the time the sun has come out its starting to set again and it’s either forecast to snow or the weather man has just announced on gmtv that last nights snow fall was an unexpected one, as you peer from the bedroom curtains and contemplate going back to bed.

If you manage to get much done before spitting the dummy out and throwing the trowel at the dog as he cocks his leg over the newly erected corner, making the mortar run (along with the other bit) all over the face work, you then have the problem of how to keep the frost from the mortar and the render, and as for fibre glassing, well, you’ve got two chances and one of them is no chance.

The end of season clearance sales have gone as you search the internet and that piece that you’re missing is under 4 inches of snow. The screws for the skimmer fall out of your frost bitten fingers and straight into the yellow snow that’s marking the domain that the pooch has claimed as his bit of territory.

The pros for doing such a task well let me think. Mmm, I might come back to that at the end, but then again………

SPRING

The birds are singing in the trees and the suns up early and the gardens starting to bloom. Time to start? Think again. The wife’s on about that summer holiday to the Caymans that you promised her (you remember, the night that you staggered home from the pub stinking of lager and kebab and the obligatory perfume aroma) and the tax man has just sent in his demand. Last years bargain filter prices (amongst others) are a distant memory as prices rise for the coming season. New products appear so last years drawings are scrapped if any were done at all, whilst you wonder if these new products would be better for the job in hand. Because they are new products and as yet are untested on the open market and despite retailer and manufacturer claims that their kit is the best, a touch of scepticism creeps in, its human nature to be wary. Then comes the week to start and it tips it down. We have hit April and as with the winter the gmtv weather girl is saying that this week’s unexpected heavy rainfalls have brought flash floods to most of England and Wales bringing misery to thousands. What did you expect? This is the United Kingdom; of course it’s going to rain. If there are two things you can safely bet on in this country it is that it will rain in April and that Barclays bank have made record profits. By the time you have figured out what kit you want and convinced the wife that next years holiday will be twice as good as the Caymans the spring time is all but over and we are moving into the summer.

SUMMER

The summer months bring fresh hope, equipment is now flowing through the dealers and reports are coming in that the new stuff is as good as the claims made out. Unfortunately the new product discounts have now ended and you have to pay full price which puts the products just out of your price range. Time to dig out the old drawings. Oh no, you didn’t. You did, you threw the old drawings out because you were going to buy the new stuff that you now can’t afford and you are back to square one. Forgive me for not laughing but I have heard it all before. It’s either that or the confused and puzzled look that says “drawings, what drawings”? You have no option but to start again. Out comes the paper and coloured crayons and you promise the kids that you will return them once you have almost ruined them. You go out into the garden armed with your newly acquired pad, crayons and one very patient wife, who can’t wait to get back indoors as this is where she keeps the valium!

So you have your crayons, pads and faithful ever obliging wife and off you trundle down the garden with your tape. You survey the chosen spot, carefully jotting down umpteen different measurements for the pond and filter. You carefully check and re check all of your measurements and after a couple of hours you finally have a plan when the wife says “would it not look better over there”. The inevitable argument ensues as to why she didn’t voice her opinion two hours ago. To make matters worse one of the kids pops their head out of the back door to announce that the smoke alarm in the kitchen is going off where mums left the roast dinner on, oh well fish and chips it is then.

The big day finally arrives and you get up eager to push that spade into the ground. You tenderly wake the wife so that she can get the kids up for school when she announces there is no need as they are on six weeks summer holiday. You are frozen to the spot, this means they are going to want to hhhhelp. Suddenly that thought of the Caymans doesn’t seem such a bad idea after all.

You dress in your best working clothes and pull on your brand new steel toecap boots; after all in this day and age of health and safety you never can be too careful. You sneak past the kids bedrooms only to hear “morning dad, be out to help you in a bit”
Suddenly the scene from psycho enters your head (cant think why) you rush down the stairs and into the garage to collect the new stainless steel spade that the garden centre recommended and you bought at exorbitant cost as they explained that the mud and dirt would not stick to it (at this point I am rolling around laughing my head off, until I am reminded that I too once made this mistake)

You eagerly strip off the protective packing that the spade came with and inspect it for scratches (come on admit it) and head for your excavation site. Before you get there however there is a shout from the back door and the wife informs you that the skip is here. You go down the side of the house and are greeted by this bloke that looks like he hasn’t slept all night and you politely say good morning. “Grunt” he replies which is skip driver talk for “which idiot is ordering a skip for 6.30 am”. You tell the driver where you want it and ask him to pay special attention to the wife’s roses. You carefully guide the lorry in and watch the neighbour’s wall so that you don’t have to replace that. With the skip in place you inspect it for damage (why do people do that? It’s a skip not a Mercedes!) You inspect the skip and realise that with so much attention to the wall the prize rose bush is missing (presumed crushed under the skip) oh well you didn’t really like it anyway but no doubt you will get the blame and accused of “doing it on purpose”. You finally manage to strike up a conversation (of sorts) with the driver, who has now mellowed out after the wife brings him a cup of tea and a bacon sarnie, YOUR TEA AND YOUR SARNIE. Sorry love she says last two slices of bread. Typical.

The driver asks you what is going in the skip so you tell him all about your new 12 foot x eight foot x six foot deep pond and watch in amazement as he coughs up your bacon sarnie. You’ll not get that in a six yard skip he laughs as he drives off!

You finally get back to the excavation site and are greeted by the two kids with their bucket, spades and Tonka toy excavator. You have to laugh and this upset them as they run off down the garden to shrieks of “were telling mummy of you”
Peace at last! You lift the spade high in the air and putting all of your efforts into it bring it soaring down as hard as you can. It strikes the earth and a searing, numbing pain races from your hand right up to your shoulder. The ground which five months ago was frozen solid is now baked solid. After a full day digging your back aches like never before and your feet have blisters the size of footballs from them new boots. To make matters worse the sun was so hot that you took off your shirt and your back now looks like lump of fresh meat! Ouch

There’s no other option it’s either a jcb which is now out of budget or wait until the autumn when the ground has softened up.

AUTUMN

The sun is still shining and despite some rain the weather is fairly good. You have managed to get your equipment from your dealer at a good price as the end of season sales are just around the corner. These have arrived and are safely packed away in the garage waiting to be installed. You collect your, as yet, unused stainless steel spade and proceed to dig. Your mates have arrived and are ambushing the kitchen for the tea and biscuits but you’re happy. The roll on roll off skip has arrived and this time has managed to miss the roses and the wall. You all get stuck in and by the end of the week the hole is beginning to look like the shape you wanted. In with the concrete, bottom drains and walls. Render goes on and the fibre glasser is on site and away in a day. No frost to worry about here. Filters in, water in and power on. Apart from the mud the job has gone well. Now is the time to sit back, crack open a cold one and admire your handiwork.

CONCLUSION

For me the best time to build a pond is in the autumn but there are pro’s and con’s for building a pond at any time of year. If you get it right first time you try to build a pond then you are one of the lucky ones. Two bits of advice though 1) build it as big as your garden and budget allow you to. You don’t want to have to enlarge it and go through all that again and number 2) is the five Ps-
PROPER PLANNING PREVENTS POOR PERFORMANCE.

The better the planning the better the smoother the whole show will come together!

Richard